After months and months of people asking me questions, I want to ask you a question. What do you want justaddbacon.com to do for you? What do you like about this website? What don’t you like about this website? What would you like to see more of, or less of? What keeps bringing you back here to the holy altar of bacon?

I ask these questions because I know I can do more than just provide the bacony goodness I give you every day (or however often you eat bacon). My attempt at public office failed, but I know I can still bring more to the table… literally! And it all starts by bringing more to the website!

So leave a comment or two here… you have to register but it’s free. Or e-mail me at bacon@justaddbacon.com.

I can’t wait to hear what you have to say! Rock on all summer long, and let all your bacon hang out!

With skyrocketing gas prices, international strife, and stagflation rearing its ugly head once again in the United States, my simple answer of giving everyone bacon to solve their problems just didn’t fly with most voters. Actually, it didn’t fly with almost ALL voters according to the polling data my staff uncovered. When Pat Paulsen scored higher ratings than I did in bacon-loving states like Iowa, Nebraska, and Wisconsin, I should have packed my bags then.

But I didn’t! I still fought even though other candidates fell by the wayside, because I believe bacon can still right many of the world’s wrongs! I may not be able to lower gas prices, bring world peace, or even calm the financial fears of people who like me, but dammit at least my fans can wake up and smell the coffee… and bacon! In good times and bad, I’ll always be there for you America! And now that my political run is over (at least for this year), I will once again devote my life to making people the only way I can think of– by laying down on a plate and letting you devour my bacony goodness!

Keep the faith America! I couldn’t promise a chicken in every pot, but I can promise even a little bacon is better than no bacon at all!

Yo Bacon, where ya been buddy? I’ve missed your column last month and I hope everything is okay. My question is, what is your new year’s resolution for 2008?

Bob, thanks for the letter and I’m sorry for the lack of posts here during the holiday season. As anyone knows the holiday season is just crazy. Christmas and New Year’s Day (and all the other holidays in and around December) are supposed to be joyous but with all the gift wrapping and relatives coming in to town it’s hard to really relax. Heck, just buying all of the Bacon Salt I could find for my friends kept me busy for days! Of course, my run for public office has been extremely hectic too, and that will certainly keep me busy in 2008.

As for my resolution for 2008, it’s to make everybody happy. It sounds like a tall order, but with the insanity of the world’s political climate, the cost of living (gas for $3 a gallon?!?), and the fact that Britney Spears is still the top story of the 6 o’clock news beings a lot of people down.

I could come up with a bunch of ivory tower goals or wishes to accompish, but I’m going to keep things simple. People of all ages, body types, and beliefs take a bite out of me because I just taste so damn good. While sports may be the “opiate of the masses”, I am the opiate of your belly (without all the nasty side effects of actual opium). When you settle down with a plate full of me, you forget all of your worries as I keep you feeling warm and good.

So there you go Bob, I’m just keeping it simple by keeping people happy. Some people would like to sing on a mountain about buying the world a Coke, but just a little bacon will do ya good!

Have a question for Bacon? E-mail him at: bacon@justaddbacon.com.

Dear Bacon, I can’t tell you how much I love you and how excited I am that you’re running for office. I read your column every week and I see you’re on tour spreading the love of bacon to all of America. So I wondered, would you like to come to my hometown of Alma, Georgia? If there’s one reason why you should come to my little town, it’s because we are the county seat of Bacon County!

Wow! A Bacon County?!? How cool is that?!?!?!? Well Nathan I’ve done a little research and I honestly can’t commit to stopping by Alma, and the beloved Bacon County, just yet. I’d like to say the town sound like a nice place to live, but according to epodunk.com, of the 32 “listed places” in Bacon County, 28 of them are cemeteries! YIKES! I guess you could say people are dying to get to Bacon County, but for a county with just over 10,000 people I think 28 cemeteries is a little overkill (no pun intended… really).

Other than the freaky cemetery stat, Bacon County does sound like a pleasant place. You have a school, a library, a nice and clean Days Inn hotel, and an improving economy with the  per capital personal income rising 17 % from 1997 to 2002 (although it’s much lower than the national average). I think another cool thing about your community is it’s right next to Coffee County, and General Coffee State Park. Does anybody not like coffee with their bacon?

But there are some drawbacks. A blogger at epodunk named “Melisa” (just one “s”?) gives a thumbs down to Alma for “small town politics”. Apparently the town’s big summer event ins the blueberry festival. Blueberry festival? How about a bacon festival? You are the county seat for BACON COUNTY after all! Finally, it sounds like the residents of Alma are a bit confused. In the latest ancestry report for Alma, 63% knew their ancestry, with the top three being black (39%), Irish (7%), and English (7%). So what do the other 37% claim to be (other than card-carrying members of the NRA)?

Nathan, I’m afraid I am going to have to pass right now, but you never know when Bacon will be in Bacon! Keep eating and loving your bacon, and I may be in your town when you least expect it!

Have a question for Bacon? E-mail him at bacon@justaddbacon.com 

It’s your old pal bacon here, taking a break from the campaign trail to answer another of your letters. With so much political talk lately (thanks to my run for public office) I’ve decided to go non-political this week in answering a note from Robert Oned of St. Petersburg, Florida. He writes:

Dear Bacon,I was recently in the As Seen on TV store in the mall (don’t ask why) when I stumbled upon quite possibly the greatest invention on the face of the earth! Bacon-flavored salt! Could this really be true? Why hasn’t it swept the nation yet?

Well Robert, even news of bacon-flavored salt was news to me! I did a little research and found that, yes indeed, there is bacon-flavored salt thanks to two guys named Justin and Dave. According to their website, the two gentlemen came up with the idea for a bacon-flavored salt while discussing their mutual love for bacon at dinner. The idea was such a good one, even their vegetarian friend said it was good!

Bacon salt comes in three flavors:  original (smoky), hickory, and peppered. Apparently a maple-flavored variation didn’t work out (which I find hard to believe!). You can buy them separately at stores or online, or in bunches including the hilarious “fantasy football” 6-pack, “12 Days of Stocking Stuffers” 12-pack for Christmas, and the “Eight Days of Kosher Bacon” 9-pack just in time for the Jewish holidays!

And that leads me to this exciting news… the guys claim the salt is kosher and vegetarian! That means people who normally can’t get me, soon can’t get enough of me! Now you can add the great taste of me without having to fry me up or worry about breaking your religious or dietary beliefs!

And all this time I thought I brought just happiness to people. I guess I bring ingenuity too! Now as for why it hasn’t taken over the world yet, just give it some time Robert. According to the website the product has been available for only a few months, and TRUST ME… this will be big! Good work Justin and Dave! Now I can add the great taste of me to my coffee in the morning!

Have a question for Bacon? E-mail him at bacon@justaddbacon.com! 

Dear Bacon,Are you aware you have a political opponent in relish? I keep seeing a commercial for a relish packet running for office! And one man says the relish packet saved his life? What gives?!?

Well Phillip, it appears you have been caught off-guard and you shouldn’t be concerned. I belive this is the commercial you’re talking about:

The commercial is actually a public service message from the Ad Council encouraging people to vote. Despite the numerous airplay of this commercial (and a :15 version of the same spot), I have confirmed my good buddy the “old relish packet” is not running for office. In fact, he is resting on his ranch in Wyoming and has no desire to get back into the political race. And as for him saving a life, that’s a story he doesn’t like to share much. I think doctors call it post-tramatic stress disorder, so I won’t bring it up here.

Now back to the commercial… it’s actually from the 2006 election period, and encourages younger people to vote. By saying not voting = voting for an old relish packet implies not voting is basically throwing your vote away. It’s a novel idea, and a humorous look at why everyone should vote during election time. But there is a big problem here.

When you go to the website referenced at the end of the commercial, you end up with nothing you expect to see at a “go out and vote” website. In fact when you first look at it, you think you’ve been duped into the wrong website. But it is indeed a website for the Ad Council… promoting good karma and not good condiments! Someone may want to tell the Ad Council this, since thousands of people are going to a website that doesn’t advertise what it’s supposed to (Here’s the cached website, thanks to Google).

If this can get cleared up, then people won’t think they’re going to the wrong website. And hopefully people won’t think relish is running for office. I have enough on my plate, and I don’t need relish on it!

Have a question for bacon? Ask him at bacon@justaddbacon.com.

Dear Bacon, I was watching TV a few nights ago and I saw a commercial for Wendy’s where a red-wigged man stands up in the middle of an election debate and steals the spotlight from other candidates. Knowing Wendy’s is all about the bacon, are you in cahoots with these guys? Are they a running mate? GO SOX!

Well Ryan, I hate to burst your bubble but Wendy’s is not my running mate for office (at least not right now… BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!). And yes, “GO SOX”, I think they’ll beat the Rockies in five games. I’m assuming you’re talking about this spot…

If you watch and listen closely, you’ll notice the man in the funny wig is talking about side orders and the freedom of choice one has at Wendy’s if you don’t like fries with your burger. Although Wendy’s has shown it’s love with the Baconator in previous ad campaigns, I assure you this is not a tag team effort at public office on my part or Wendy’s. In fact, this may present somewhat of a challenge for me in my run for office. While everyone loves bacon, going up against the third-largest fast food restaurant chain in America is quite a tall order.

Now as to how this pertains to side orders, remember that while Wendy’s offers plenty of side orders with their hamburgers they are still somewhat limited to what they can offer. As for me, on the other hand, I go with pretty much anything (as evidenced in a previous “Just ASK Bacon” entry “Wrap With Me”). I am in many ways universal, bringing happiness to just about any type of food on the planet. Wendy’s is pretty much limited to hamburgers, and the occasional cup of chili which I must say I do enjoy.

So no Ryan, Wendy’s and I aren’t “in bed” with each other, but you only have to look at the Baconator to see we do make a very tasty team. I will however introduce my running mate exactly six months before election day, so look for that announcement some time in May 2008!

Until then, be juicy America!

Do you have a question for Bacon? E-mail him at bacon@justaddbacon.com!

Dear Bacon,I saw you’re running for public office and I think that’s great! You know you will have my vote! One question though, and it may be a tough one. Other politicians talk about the war in Iraq, health care, education, immigration, and so on, but I have yet to hear ONE politician tell me how he/she is going to fix the real estate market. It’s so hard to sell a house these days! Thanks!

Becky, I’ve heard the housing market is tough nowadays. Thankfully, I always have an affordable home in the freezer at the supermarket! Well let’s see how bacon can handle this mess.

There are many reasons why the housing market in the United States exploded in 2004 and 2005, then imploded in 2006 and 2007. Those reasons range from low introductory mortgage rates on adjustable rate mortgages (ARM) to risky loans that made thousands of people first-time home buyers whose income couldn’t keep up with the housing costs. (For more on why the market is what it is, check out this extremely helpful website)

One look at neighborhoods across America and you will see realtors doing ANYTHING to move a house: price reduction, paying closing costs, throwing in a free HDTV and other electronics, and on and on and on. Still, buyers are nervous about going through the economic hard times sellers are experiencing now so the market is a bit stagnant. So how will I make this different? Simple!

With all of the bells and whistles every realtor adds to try to sell a house, all you really need is a big ol’ plate of bacon in the house. That’s right, place a plate of me in the kitchen… or in the living room… or in the bedroom… heck, put me in the bathroom! My splendiforous odor will waft through the house and really make a house feel like home. A new HDTV may make that football game on Sunday look better, but does it really warm the heart and make you feel as good as a nice steaming plate of bacon? I don’t think so!

So there you go, Becky. The answer to the housing market problem is… me! Spread a little bit of bacon love around that house you’re trying to sell, then spread out the dollar bills all over your satin bedsheets and cackle like a movie villain!

Got a question for Bacon? E-mail him at: bacon@justaddbacon.com!

Dear Bacon,You make me sooooooo happy! Have you ever thought of running for public office? Think of the good it could do to this crazy world!

So I’ve done a lot of thinking about this. Why should I run for office? What can I bring to this great nation we live in that others haven’t already? So my committee and I have spent numerous days locked in a hotel suite figuring that out. Here’s what we came up with:

* I’m honest. REALLY! I’m actually honest! Just look at the past “Just ASK Bacon” entries. I’m willing to face up to even my harshest critics and toughest topics with honesty. Try finding that in a politician today.

* I have a high approval rating. I have my detractors, especially from tree-hugging vegans who think ANY meat is bad for you. But no matter how many hippies or health freaks there are in this nation, Americans just LOOOOOOOOVE me!

* I already have a built-in edge promotion-wise. Just like Fred Thompson had Law & Order and Die Hard 2 on his side, I have tons of TV commercials featuring me at my advantage. Heck, I should buy the Wendy’s chain for all of the love they’ve given me! Unlike Thompson though, I won’t be appearing with Jay Leno anytime soon.

* I make people feel good. Think about it, have you ever looked at a plate of bacon and said, “AAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I DON’T LIKE THAT!” Unless you’re a hippie or health freak, you probably haven’t. Even some health freaks don’t mind a slice or two of bacon. People like me, and I make days better from the get-go in the morning!

* I have international appeal. Canada already has their own version of me.

* I have a revolutionary plan to fix health care. Actually I don’t, but everyone else says they do so I might as well play along.

After much consideration, I’ve decided… I WILL RUN FOR OFFICE! I’ve seen too much sadness, too much anger, too much stress in the world today! I have brought happiness to so many people, now I will bring it to everyone! Thanks for the idea Aimee (we’ll hire you as a consultant).

VOTE BACON IN 2008! And check out my first campaign video above!

Have a question for Bacon? E-mail him at bacon@justaddbacon.com