Just ASK Bacon: Any Resolutions for 2008?

Hello and happy new year, from your old pal Bacon! Waddya say we dive into the new year with our first “Just ASK Bacon” letter? And it’s a rather timely one from Bob Sace of Springfield, Illionis:

Yo Bacon, where ya been buddy? I’ve missed your column last month and I hope everything is okay. My question is, what is your new year’s resolution for 2008?

Bob, thanks for the letter and I’m sorry for the lack of posts here during the holiday season. As anyone knows the holiday season is just crazy. Christmas and New Year’s Day (and all the other holidays in and around December) are supposed to be joyous but with all the gift wrapping and relatives coming in to town it’s hard to really relax. Heck, just buying all of the Bacon Salt I could find for my friends kept me busy for days! Of course, my run for public office has been extremely hectic too, and that will certainly keep me busy in 2008.

As for my resolution for 2008, it’s to make everybody happy. It sounds like a tall order, but with the insanity of the world’s political climate, the cost of living (gas for $3 a gallon?!?), and the fact that Britney Spears is still the top story of the 6 o’clock news beings a lot of people down.

I could come up with a bunch of ivory tower goals or wishes to accompish, but I’m going to keep things simple. People of all ages, body types, and beliefs take a bite out of me because I just taste so damn good. While sports may be the “opiate of the masses”, I am the opiate of your belly (without all the nasty side effects of actual opium). When you settle down with a plate full of me, you forget all of your worries as I keep you feeling warm and good.

So there you go Bob, I’m just keeping it simple by keeping people happy. Some people would like to sing on a mountain about buying the world a Coke, but just a little bacon will do ya good!

Have a question for Bacon? E-mail him at: bacon@justaddbacon.com.